The Hoch Blog

Seeing all these players with tattoos reminds me of some ink I considered getting when I was young: the entire text of the Bible (both testaments) on my bicep.

My grandchildren love it when I crawl around on the floor and they ride me like a horsey. You should have seen little Bethany yesterday when I shattered the Preakness Stakes record by 14 lengths on my hands and knees.

Just got a memo from the National Weather Service…they want me to stop making my first down signal so forcefully. Also, there’s a hurricane they need me to inhale.

On Saturdays, I just like to kick back and relax. Make everything a little less intense. Like, I’ll still run my daily marathon, but the boat I drag behind me can be raised on a wheeled platform. Little things like that.

Sometimes I think about writing an autobiography, but I worry Marvel Comics would sue me if they thought I was plagiarizing the Incredible Hulk. Also, there aren’t enough redwood trees to carve such a tome directly into.

Hey, Ed, how much can you bench?” I always have to reply to that with a question of my own: “How good are you at scientific notation?” If they don’t answer me in 1/(3.8 x 10^23) seconds, I just chuckle and walk away.

Just got my Week 3 assignment: @ Baltimore. Now I’ve just got to decide whether to run there or throw my bus.

(Hint: throw my bus.)

To this day, I’m the only person to ever pass the Arizona state bar exam while curling two 200-pound dumbbells. (I was writing with my teeth.)

You’d think the hardest part of bench-pressing the goalposts would be the weight, but you’d be wrong. It’s finding someone to spot you.

Fans ask me what I like to listen to when I’m at the gym. Usually I like the sweet music of hearing my own muscle fibers tear and rebuild themselves. Also, Cheap Trick.