September 2008
28 posts
“Seeing all these players with tattoos reminds me of some ink I considered...”
“My grandchildren love it when I crawl around on the floor and they ride me like...”
“Just got a memo from the National Weather Service…they want me to stop...”
“On Saturdays, I just like to kick back and relax. Make everything a little less...”
“Sometimes I think about writing an autobiography, but I worry Marvel Comics...”
“Hey, Ed, how much can you bench?” I always have to reply to that with a...”
“Just got my Week 3 assignment: @ Baltimore. Now I’ve just got to decide...”
“To this day, I’m the only person to ever pass the Arizona state bar exam...”
“You’d think the hardest part of bench-pressing the goalposts would be the...”
“Fans ask me what I like to listen to when I’m at the gym. Usually I like...”
“Got into an argument about the rules of pool today. I said scratching on the...”
“Another invention idea: 900-pound plates for barbells. I’m sick of...”
“I hate, hate, hate when ESPN.com runs a picture of me looking scrawny when I...”
“Toughest adjustment coming into the league was learning not to throw my flag so...”
“Fans ask me what the toughest part of my workout routine is, and I give it to...”
“First thing I do when I buy a car is throw the jack away. Seriously, who needs...”
“I felt so bad about blowing that call in the Chargers game that I asked Norv...”
“I wonder if I could bench press a castle. Kidding. I can.”
“I squeezed my whistle so hard it atomized in my fingers. Third time...”
“Invention idea: reading gloves for newspaper so the ink won’t smudge my...”
“Is the weak dollar going to make imported coconut oil more expensive?”
“Just rented You’ve Got Mail again. It made me cry so hard my basement...”
“I believe in three things: truth, justice, and the American way. That’s...”
“Last game, I blew my whistle and the shear power of the pitch I produced sent...”
“Everybody knows the record for longest field goal is Tom Dempsey’s 63...”
“You know what the worst part about bending steel rebar around your neck is? ...”
“I was in court today, and things looked grim for my case. Then I said,...”
“…and that’s when I realized too many of my stories start with,...”