The Hoch Blog

Got into an argument about the rules of pool today. I said scratching on the 8-ball was legal as long as you immediately broke the table with your forehead. Four tables later, my grandson finally agreed out of sheer terror.

Another invention idea: 900-pound plates for barbells. I’m sick of spending literally hours loading up the bar for my workout. (Side invention: bars that can handle the weight I push.)

I hate, hate, hate when ESPN.com runs a picture of me looking scrawny when I know for a fact there are pictures of me where the seams on my shirt are ripping, not just stretching.

Toughest adjustment coming into the league was learning not to throw my flag so high. My first toss left the earth’s atmosphere and went into orbit. I think it tore a hunk off of Mir.

Fans ask me what the toughest part of my workout routine is, and I give it to them straight: leaving the gym.

First thing I do when I buy a car is throw the jack away. Seriously, who needs a machine to help them lift a car?

I felt so bad about blowing that call in the Chargers game that I asked Norv Turner, “Look, how many one-handed pushups do I have to do to make this up to you? A million? Because I can do that.

I wonder if I could bench press a castle. Kidding. I can.

I squeezed my whistle so hard it atomized in my fingers. Third time that’s happened this season.

Invention idea: reading gloves for newspaper so the ink won’t smudge my fingertips.