The Hoch Blog

Is the weak dollar going to make imported coconut oil more expensive?

Just rented You’ve Got Mail again. It made me cry so hard my basement flooded. I had to throw my house out into the desert. I’ll go pick it up when it’s dry.

I believe in three things: truth, justice, and the American way. That’s what I call my left bicep, my right bicep, and one of my abs.

Last game, I blew my whistle and the shear power of the pitch I produced sent forty pigeons in Denver hurtling towards the ground, just begging for mercy.

Everybody knows the record for longest field goal is Tom Dempsey’s 63 yarder. What they don’t know is that I once kicked Dempsey through the uprights. Distance: 66 yards.

You know what the worst part about bending steel rebar around your neck is? Trick question, diary. There is no worst part. It’s all awesome.

I was in court today, and things looked grim for my case. Then I said, “How about this for a precedent?” as I ripped my suit to shreds and squatted the entire jury box. Not guilty!

…and that’s when I realized too many of my stories start with, “So I was home tearing telephone books last night…